Today's Christian Woman's article "Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers" by Leslie Leyland Fields took first place in the General Article (Medium Length) category at the 2015 Evangelical Press Association convention. Leslie's article was inspired by from her 2014 book under the same name. I talked with Leslie about what prompted her to write on the difficult topic of forgiving those who are closest to us.

Why do you think your article has been such a popular choice for TCW readers?

Who doesn't need to forgive his or her parents? Even those parents who were wonderful—who are wonderful—still commit the usual human sins. We don't really want our parents to be as human as we are. But more than this, I'm addressing this issue personally, through my own experience with my father rather than giving a formula or "10 Easy Steps." We all know we're commanded to forgive, but what might that actually look like in someone's life? I'm telling the truth about that. And it's not an always-happy story. I tell about my final goodbye to my father—and he had not a word for me. He was too busy with his dinner (spearing his hot dog out of his beans) to even acknowledge me.

What does your article tell us about forgiving our parents?

Well, I'd really like to say, go read the article! But okay, here's what I most want people to know: stop demanding payment from people who have wounded you. They have suffered probably even more than you have! And they're bankrupt themselves—they can't pay you back, so give up on that. Stop wasting your life trying to avoid hurt and pain. Not only is a pain-free life impossible to attain, but without pain, we lose the capacity to recognize and fully enjoy true life. Risk obedience to God and do what he asks of us. Pour out on that one the mercy God has poured out on you. You're going to be a changed person.

What prompted you to write on this topic?

It wasn't my idea. It was God's idea, and I didn't like it. I did a Jonah and ran from it for two years, for a lot of reasons: I knew certain members of my family don't like that I'm a writer and don't like me writing anything about the past, no matter how carefully and lovingly I do it. I knew that would cause issues (and it did). And I also wasn't sure I was up to the pastoral responsibility that came with such territory: serving, speaking, and ministering to desperate, angry wounded people and families. But God wins out every time in every way. I wrote the book, with his enablement. I continue to speak all over on the topic, with his enablement. And God has allowed me to witness so much fruit! But honestly, through all of this experience with my father and now with my mother, I have felt sometimes like Jacob, wrestling on that dark plain by the river. It's not so much that I won't let go of God—I'm not that good—but that he hasn't let go of me. And, like Jacob, I'm wounded from the wrestling. I'm a messenger with a limp. And the only way to keep walking, the only way to stay alive, even, is to keep forgiving. That's what I know.

Why do you think forgiveness is a necessary passage for all sons and daughters?

We will inevitably repeat the sins of our fathers and mothers if we do not forgive. I see it again and again, sometimes in deeply personal ways: The woman rejected by her mother goes on to reject her own daughter. The boy abandoned by his father grows up and leaves his own children. The daughter who grows up in a climate of pride and selfishness learns to protect herself with the same tools, teaching them to her children. It's heartbreaking, and it doesn't stop without the interruption of mercy and forgiveness. And sometimes mercy does indeed feel violent.

When was the moment you realized you needed to forgive your father?

When my sister told me over the phone that she had forgiven him—and she had much more to forgive than I did! I was pierced by that. All of the Scripture passages about forgiveness emerged with an insistence I couldn't ignore. I fought it, but I ultimately surrendered to it. When I flew down to Florida after my father's stroke and pushed him around in his wheelchair, a voice in my head would complain, You never helped when I was sick. When he touched me, You didn't care that you were ruining people's lives by touching them! It astounded me how angry I was, even through the process of forgiveness. But in truth, that's what is required: a gut-honest accounting of the wounds received. You can't release debts without naming the debts. So I had to allow that, and then work beyond it.

What did you learn through the process of reflecting, researching, and writing this book?

That forgiveness is not mostly about me, or for me. I was freed to love someone who was hard to love. That was thrilling and ultimately incredibly freeing to me, and it was a huge blessing to my father before he died. But even that is not the fullest account of what happens when we forgive. When we give up our right for justice and our desire for revenge and we pour out mercy instead, do you know what happens? Heaven! It's a huge shot of heaven that begins to heal the brokenness of the world. This is the whole point of Christ's own death. When we do this, we're beginning to act like who we really are: Christians, "little Christs."

Natalie Lederhouse is the administrative editor for Today's Christian Woman. You can follow her on Twitter at @nataliejean.